Me & Phil vs. Shithead

Disneyland

It may just be the salt-poisoning talking, but I'm none too plussed about this Jack Sparrow iteration of my beloved Pirates ride. If it's 1/4 as heinous as the Nightmare Before Christmas Haunted Mansion I'm gonna go to Walt's grave and turn him over myself.

Chason is a sweetheart

MORE UNBRIDLED TRUTH

X-3

Just to recap: X-men 3 sucks. Don't see it. If at all possible, anti-see it. Invert its spectrum and play it backwards.

If the Academy ever comes to be meaningful as a quality selective body, Halle Barry should feel obligated to turn in her Oscar.

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS???

Fat Jokes are AMAZING

Huh. Apparently James still has most of his hair when I die in 2042 when the amount of hilarity in my brain reaches a high level of mass despite it's infinitely low volume, thereby creating a gravitational singularity.

Fortunately, mortuaries persist. You see, I was busy far off in space fighting aliens under my alternate identity, Captain Hunkington, and Earth was spared from the resulting paradox in space-time.